Self Esteem for Girls by Elizabeth Hartley-Brewer

Author:Elizabeth Hartley-Brewer
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781409004479
Publisher: Ebury Publishing

50 Give her safe time to talk

After my parents split up, I went to my dad every other weekend. The only time he asked me how I was was during the short journey home in the car. He wasn’t really interested. He was making it safe for him to talk, not for me.

When girls feel close to someone and are able to make sense of whatever has happened to them, they are more likely to recover from setbacks. Talking usually helps, but the time and place to talk has got to be right. There’s no point in raising the issue in a place where the conversation will be overheard, where either of you feel uncomfortable, or when there’s insufficient time to explore and come to some conclusion, even if this is ‘We need more time to talk’.

This is particularly true if your daughter is ashamed about the event or if she feels responsible – if she has been bullied at school or been found cheating or stealing, for example. Children sometimes feel guilty about problems for which their parents are responsible, such as the breakdown of a marriage. Even if they don’t truly believe they’re to blame, they may still feel that they should have prevented what happened.

Parents

avoid being intrusive; before you talk, check that your daughter’s ready

make quite sure that there is enough time to talk before you begin

make it clear from the start that the conversation is confidential

if you want to pass anything on, get her permission: ‘Do you mind if I tell Dad/Mother/your teacher what you’ve said?’

if she finds it hard to talk, suggest going for a walk together; tell her you are ready to talk when she is, but let her take the initiative

girls sometimes prefer to work things out in their own heads rather than talk; be aware this can be equally successful

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